Anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t watch movies. I haven’t seen a single Star Wars movie, any of the Batman movies, or Fight Club (but I don’t think I’m supposed to talk about Fight Club even if I had seen it). While I openly admit it now, it wasn’t always that way.
Growing up, I’d try to hide the fact that I hadn’t seen any movies. I couldn’t face the disappointment that followed when I’d break the bad news that I had no idea what movie someone was quoting.
So, when someone would bring up a movie or a quote, I’d often pretend I had seen the movie. Then I’d suffer through the entire conversation trying not to be exposed for the fraud I was. It was exhausting and in the long run proved to be more work than it was worth. Eventually, I decided that I would admit I hadn’t seen a movie to avoid the unease. I’d simply say, “Sorry, I don’t know the movie we are talking about.” Truth is, there were some people that were disappointed, but most people really didn’t care as much as I thought they would.
I remember talking to one of my professors the first year of physical therapy school. She was trying to help me understand a concept. I nodded in agreement as she said, “So, in that sense it is kind of like adhesive capsulitis..” She continued the analogy and I thanked her for help, but the truth was, at the time, I had no idea that adhesive capsulitis was the same thing as a frozen shoulder. By the time I had a chance to look it up, I couldn’t remember a single thing she said.
It was like pretending to see movies all over again only this time I was preventing myself from learning. I was too worried about my self image and admitting something I didn’t know. I felt like I should know what adhesive capsulitis was and so I hid my lack of knowledge.
After I looked it up, I was so frustrated with myself. I couldn’t remember the analogy and had wasted her time and mine idly nodding along to a conversation I wasn’t following. It would have taken three seconds for the professor the tell me that adhesive capsulitis was a frozen shoulder, but I didn’t give her the opportunity.
Shortly after, I started treating all physical therapy conversations similarly to my previous movie conversations. When I didn’t know something, I would tell my classmate or professor immediately. What followed after I admitted my ignorance- was nothing. No one cared about my lack of knowledge. Nothing happened to my self image. No one (except me) ever brings up the time I confused the femur and the humerus. Instead, I learned and got better. Owning what you don’t know, is as important as owning what you do.
This is a lesson I have to continually remind myself. Self-preservation is my greatest obstacle when learning something or in a new situation. The truth is, my worry is unwarranted. And, it is easier and way more productive to just admit when I don’t know something. 99% of the time people don’t judge you, except when you admit you haven’t seen The Sandlot and then it is playing before you have time to say otherwise.
When have you pretended to see the movie?
Nice post but I’m not sure what your talking about